The closer I get to my trip (9 days away!) the more anxious I get.
I’ll be seeing someone I haven’t seen in 11 years (if that, I think it’s been even longer - in fact, I don’t have very many memories of her at all.)
I’ll be going back to a town I haven’t been to in 4 years. The town I was born in, the town my parents got married in, the town I spent my first semester of college in. Being in love with this place is so dangerous because it’s so entwined with something I’m not ready to deal with yet - my dad. I just want to go up there and make wonderful memories with Nick on my birthday without have to worry about some well-intentioned relative springing a reunion with my father on me.
But that reunion is in the back of my head. I’ve only agreed to meet my aunt while we’re up there because I don’t think I can handle seeing anyone else from his side of the family and I have the best memories of her. She’s stayed in touch with him. And I’m absolutely terrified that she’ll get him up there and we’ll have that moment.
Should I tell her, in case she doesn’t know, that I have no relationship with him and that I don’t intend to until I’m ready and I can tell that by the 16th that I won’t be ready? I don’t know how to protect myself from this.
I am just very thankful that Nick will be there with me and that whatever happens, I won’t have to go through it alone. I absolutely couldn’t do it without him. And I can’t wait to have a weekend away from him and to show him my favorite place in the world.